
TOP 10 WORST SPORTS FASHION TRENDS
10. Starter Jackets
The Chicago Bulls logo looked pretty sleek against a black background, but the innocuous logos of many teams, like the sweet Miami Dolphin jumping through a ring, looked out of place. They were marketed as winter jackets, but kids across the Northeast froze their %$!# off while waiting at the bus stop. At least they looked cool doing it.
9. Visors
Jon Gruden and Steve Spurrier look like they’re overseeing a golf tournament, not directing monsters of the gridiron as they pace the sideline with their team visors. Chucky’s scowl isn’t very intimidating when accompanied by a silly little half-hat. Sadly, the visor trend’s caught on with fans of all sports. I cringe every time I see the Raiders logo propped up on disheveled hair of some nitwit’s head.
8. Pink, Red and Green Apparel
The only constant identifiable component to a sports team is its uniform. Players and coaches change, but the colors remain the same. When fans sport a red or green jersey with an NY logo on it, they’re not representing the Yankees, they’re supporting some imaginary team. The worst examples of this color confusion are the ever popular pink hats, shirts and jerseys designed for female fans. Sorry, but pink and football don’t mix.
7. Hats With The Tags Still On
In the 1990s, it became fashionable among youngsters of the hip-hop culture to leave the price tags and stickers on baseball caps when they wore them. These trendsetters also refused to bend the brim of their caps, in order to maintain that fresh from the store look. Sometimes I offer these kids the price on the ticket for their hat, claiming that I thought it was for sale.
6. Jersey Dresses
I know, Mariah Carey was smokin’ in that Michael Jordan jersey dress she wore during her performance at the NBA All-Star Game a few years ago. But it’s Mariah, she looks great in any tight clothes. It’s the less curvaceous members of the female population I’m concerned with. If you want to support a player or team, buy a jersey. Please don’t try and squeeze into one these ill-fitting eyesores.
5) Spandex
Towards the end of basketball’s high and tight shorts era, players began to cover their inner thighs with spandex. Kenny “Sky” Walker looked like an oversized cyclist when he won the 1989 Slam Dunk Contest, with his white spandex reaching several inches below his shorts. Basketball fans imitated the pros, defiling playgrounds nationwide with this unsightly style.
4) Reebok Pumps
At best, this silly innovation had the same effect of simply tying your sneakers a little tighter. It took several pumps for the sneaker to compress around your ankle, and you could be sure that within a few weeks at least one of your pumps would be broken. Stylistically, the sneakers were bland, consisting of a couple of blue and gray stripes. Quite a coup by the marketing department at Reebok!
3. Coed Naked Shirts
Rivaled only by Big Johnson tee shirts, Coed Naked apparel brought a new level of intimacy to a wide range of sports. In retrospect, it’s hard to believe parents bought these sexually explicit tees for their children and that schools allowed students to wear them in class. One of my personal favorites was “Coed Naked Lacrosse … Rough, Tough and in the Buff.”
2) Umbros
Every time a pubescent boy wore these bright-colored, loose, nylon shorts to middle school and sat next to a cute girl wearing a different color, but equally bright and loose pair of Umbros, it was a recipe for disaster. Yet, we all did it anyway. The nylon material gave Umbros the versatility to be worn as shorts on the ballfield and as a bathing suit to cool off in afterwards.
1) Zubaz
In case you don’t recall, Zubaz were the zany, zebra patterned pants designed in the colors of various sports teams. These loose fitting pants were so preposterous they made MC Hammer’s parachute pants look like Dockers. The hideous style spread to the NFL, wear football players looked like clowns as they paced the sidelines in zebra patterned jackets and hats.
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